Betrothed
by vanillalovescnjonghyun
Summary: To give up or not to. An obsession. A tale on Seien's betrothed love
1. Chapter 1

"**Betrothed"**

* * *

**Summary: Call it obsession, but it's hard to let go of someone you have waited for your whole life.**

* * *

"Dear daughter, please speak to your ailing father!"

The ruler of the **Haku family** was desperate. After many years of convincing his broken-hearted daughter to come out of her room, **Haku Soja**, reigning ruler of the Haku clan, had given up on every form of measure to bring his daughter **Haku Shirin** back to normal.

**Haku Shirin** was betrothed to **Shi Seien** when they were very young, and although it was deemed impossible for the two to fall in love at such a tender age, Shirin grew deeply fond of Seien, and since he went away, was unable to eat or do anything a princess like her was expected of. Shirin refused to leave her room in her father's manor, and the only thing that kept her company was her music – the young lady had taken solace in playing the flute.

Shirin had grown into a lovely young woman, with soft brown hair that dangled in pretty curls, and a perfect oval face and deep-set blue eyes. **Haku Soja**, who liked to brag about his riches and daughter, often thought she would have been chosen as the **Emperor Shi Ryuki**'s consort if **Kou Shurei **had not entered the scene. But that would be imprudent, since he acknowledged his daughter's affections for the Emperor's brother.

Oh, Shirin with her fair skin truly was the gem of the Haku family!

But all this changed when Seien was exiled. Soja had conspired with every reputed investigator in the kingdom to find out the exiled prince's whereabouts but to no avail. And so Shirin remained in her self-imprisonment state, unable to speak or eat but pour her heart out in the music of her flute.

**Haku Soja** listened outside the locked door to the flowing melancholic music coming from Shirin's flute. He turned to go.

"Father."

**Haku Soja** stopped in his tracks. Whose voice was that which had just spoken? Was it Shirin's? It's been many years now, and he forgot how his daughter's voice sounded.

"Shirin? Is that you, my daughter?"

The voice hesitated. "Yes, Father."

**Haku Soja** was ecstatic. "Shirin! My daughter! You spoke again!"

"Yes, Father. I have reached a decision. Are you prepared to hear it?"

Soja felt a sudden rush of anxiety fill his heart. "Yes, daughter. Speak."

The voice paused again.

"I have caused you so much pain, Father, and I know you do not wish me to stay in this confinement for another painful year."

_Finally! Shirin's come back to her right mind!_ Soja thought.

"And so Father, I have decided to come out of this room, this palace, and devote myself to the temple!"

Soja's heart was shattered. The temple! This was worse than what ever thought. His daughter wanted to be a nun!

"Father, I wish for you to make the necessary arrangements as soon as possible. This is my last wish as your daughter, for in the days to come, I will not be yours any longer, and I will belong to the temple."

Soja cried silently. Well, he would rather have it that way, than seeing his daughter die in her room in sadness, where she was near, yet her heart and soul were far away.

"As you wish Shirin."

The door to the princess' room unlocked.

"Riyu," Soja called to a servant. "Please tell the Family Advisor to notify the Emperor immediately."

* * *

The**Emperor Shi Ryuki** was appalled when he read the letter's contents.

"What is it, Ryuki?" asked **Shurei-hime**.

"It's a letter from the Haku Family Advisor."

"This is bad," Ryuki muttered to himself. "**Shirin-hime of the Haku Family** has decided to become a nun!"

"Shirin-hime?" Shurei asked. "Of the Haku Clan? Goodness, that's surprising news! Why did she say she wanted to do that?"

"The Advisor didn't say anything, but I have my hunches. This must be something to do with my brother Seien." Ryuki turned to leave. "Excuse me, Shurei-hime, I must speak with Seiran."

Shurei's brows shot up at the sound of Seiran's name. "Seiran? What's he got to do with this?"

Ryuki smiled convincingly. "Nothing. I just remembered something. See you!"

_Honestly, Seiran's got everything to do with this. Considering he's Seien himself._

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

"**Betrothed"**

* * *

  
"Seiran, I really think you should go."

Shi Ryuki was talking with his (unbeknownst to many, including Shurei) brother in the imperial grounds, under the glow of the faint moonlight. The cold rays of the moon left a streak of white in Seiran's anguished face as he read the letter handed to Ryuki by a Haku Official Messenger a few hours ago.

"I never thought Shirin was still waiting for me," the brother muttered.

"I know," said Ryuki. "I wasn't expecting her to, as well."

Seiran folded the letter and gave it back to his brother. "How very foolish. I always thought she was smart."

Ryuki furrowed his brows. "You mean, you aren't going to see her?"

Seiran fiddled with the sword tied to his waist. He didn't respond.

"Are you thinking Shirin-hime is just doing this so you'll finally come out?"

Seiran took the sword out of its sheath and brought it closer to the moonlight. The sound of metal sounded like music, but more like an ode, a requiem, a song of lament for something that was lost. Ryuki touched the blunt side of the blade, while the rest of it shone a regal silver under the moon.

"Brother Seien, I think it would be best if you came to see her, even in secret. But as you know, your sentence of exile has been lifted months ago… you can always come out in the open and reclaim your name and position… and your betrothed…"

"Ryuki, that is imprudent," the older of the two said. "If Shirin has decided, then it will be no use trying to revoke her choice. I don't think I am the reason for her decision to enter into the service of the temple, though…"

The young emperor smiled. "Brother Seien, if you are not the reason for Princess Shirin's solitary confinement, then, it would make no sense to think she's got any other reasons for doing so."

Seiran brought the sword back to its sheath. "I must go, Your Highness."

"I'm giving you a night to think this over, Brother Seien. Tomorrow, Shurei and I will go to the Haku ruler's abode, to try to convince Princess Shirin to revoke her decision – with or without you."

Seiran nodded. "I must go, Your Majesty."

* * *

Shirin opened the window to her room in the far end of the Haku manor. Her window was the only thing she had kept open throughout the days and nights of her self-imprisonment, and she only let in the glow of moon's light.

_The moon reminds me of him so much, _she thought, _possibly because it's the same color as his face and hair. _

Everything seemed soft about him – his gentle manners, his silky hair, his tender smile – yet his battling skills were as comparative as any ruthless ruler.

_Does he remember, when he saved me from those bullies when we were four or five? I remember that was the reason I was attached to him so much, that when he went away, I…_

Shirin shrugged the sad thoughts away. She stroked the thick strands of brown curly hair with the jade comb Seien gave her for her twelfth birthday, one of his concrete reminders of their young days in Saiunkoku.

_How pathetic… I still care for him this much._

_And it still pains me that he hasn't come back even when his sentence was lifted…_

There was a soft knock at Shirin's door and she hesitated for a while before she came to it.

"Who's out there?"

There was a pause.

"Father?"

The shadow that can be seen through the gap between her door and the floor shifted in its position, as if hesitant to come in. Shirin waited for a little while longer, in silence, and as the moon changed angle, the shadow shifted again.

"Shirin."

The voice sounded familiar yet distant. Had she heard that voice before? Suddenly she remembered the voice of the little Seien, and she imagined the young prince standing in front of her door.

She stroked the smooth surface of the door, still relishing the image of her childhood friend.

"Who are you, standing in front the door of my room?"

The shadow (or the voice, whichever way you prefer to call the still faceless figure outside Shirin's door) hesitated yet again.

"Open the door if you want to know."

Shirin's heart paced a little, as the image of Prince Seien became as vivid as ever. She turned the brass knob of the door.

"Shirin? How beautiful you've become."

She slightly lost unconsciousness – she was half aware of a pair of hands caressing her face, silky white hair, and a pair of deep eyes staring into hers.

"Good heavens! Seien-sama!"

Shirin threw her arms around the lost prince's waist, and she buried her face in his sweet-smelling hair.

"Be quiet, Shirin, if you want to see me again," Seien whispered. He looked around him.

"What do you mean, Seien-sama? Do you mean you're going away again?" Shirin broke away from her prince. "If that was your intention – to show yourself to me but will disappear over the night – then you shouldn't have come, Your Highness."

Seien shook his head. "I'm not sure why I came either, Shirin. I just thought I'd let you know… I was moved by your loyalty to our friendship… or… whatever you call what we have."

"Seien-sama, if this is about my decision to join the temple, it's no use. I have reached a decision."

_That wasn't true, of course. Just tell me you came back for me, and I'll forget ever wanting to devote myself to the temple._

"Shirin, I don't know. It's not that I want to revoke your decision, I just felt the need to be here at this moment."

"Thank you, Seien-sama. At least you came back."

Seien looked around again, this time a little bit more uneasy.

"Listen, Shirin, I'll come back to meet you tomorrow, but under a different name. Shi Seiran – do you get what I mean?"

"I honestly don't, Seien-sama –"

"I have not enough time to further explain, Shirin. But tomorrow, if you really want to see me again, when I come in the name of the soldier Shi Seiran, as companion to Emperor Shi Ryuki, do not (and by that I really mean DO NOT) by any means give an impression that I met with you tonight. Do you understand me, Shirin?"

The pale princess nodded. "I don't see the meaning in all of this, Seien-sama, but you can take my word for it."

Seien smiled. He gave her a light kiss on her cheek. Shirin blushed a little.

"Well, Seien-sama, you've never done that before."

"Omit the '-sama'." _You're going to be my princess anyway. _Wait, did he just think that?

"I must go."

Shirin smiled.

"Goodnight, Seien."

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

The Princess Shirin woke up in a very good mood the next morning, so the servant Shi-hua observed. The young mistress dressed up in her most beautiful white robe, put her hair in a neat bun on top of her head, and added a touch of makeup to her pretty pale face. She played a merry song on her flute that morning (a first in many years) and went down to eat with her father in the royal dining room.

They had been children together. During the prince Seien's accomplished years, the little Haku girl had watched in the shadows. She watched silently as he received his many medals and recognition, while he would, afterwards, hand her these awards, as a gesture of reciprocation for her support.

Shirin would smile.

The previous night, the rather ghostly Prince Seien appeared at Haku Shirin's bedroom door, telling her she shall wait until the next day, and that she should stay silent about this unexpected rendezvous, if she wants to see him again.

Shirin's memories of the previous night were still in a blur, though she remembered feeling a rather immense sense of happiness upon seeing and touching Prince Seien's pale face.

"Shirin-hime, the guests are at the gates. Your father demands your presence."

The male servant knelt at the foot of the princess' white robe. Shirin passed the faithful one a small smile – a smile, which, the servant thought to himself, had never escaped the princess lips for quite a many years.

"Tell my father I will be there in a moment."

"Yes, my lady."

The servant slipped out of the room quickly. Shirin brought out her flute, wrapped it in linen white, then walked out of the room evanescently, her white robe trailing behind her.

The Haku crowd was waiting at the gates of the manor when Shirin went out. The crowd was silent, perhaps at the shock of finally seeing their princess again, after many years of becoming almost a mere legend. Haku Soja smiled proudly, then said to the Emperor,

"Your Majesty, that is my daughter, Haku Shirin. She is very beautiful, don't you think?"

Shi Ryuki flashed a quick look at the guard Seiran, who stood behind Shurei-hime at the back of the entourage. Seiran appeared to be preoccupied with his sword, a gesture, the emperor thought, of suppressing his tension.

The emperor returned his gaze to the princess, who now walked towards him, and gave him a polite bow. The emperor nodded.

"It's good to see you again, Princess Shirin, after so many years…"

The princess smiled, which the emperor thought rather attractive, despite himself. Ryuki turned to Shurei.

"Princess Shirin, this is Lady Kou Shurei, my consort." The two women exchanged bows.

"And this is Shi Seiran, Lady Shurei's protector."

_Protector? _Shirin passed Seiran a hard look, her lips pursed tightly. Without another word, the princess led the royal entourage into the Haku manor. Haku Soja began talking.

"You see, Your Highness, not one of the ruling clan princes in all of Saiunkoku had not asked me for Shirin's hand in marriage. But, of course, everyone knows, my daughter was betrothed to your brother Prince Seien, and in respect to that, I didn't allow her to be wed to anyone else… in the hopes of one day, the prince might return…"

Ryuki coughed slightly, passing a quick look again at the guard Seiran, before addressing Haku Shirin.

"Shirin-hime, how would you like to enter in the civil service examination next fall? Surely, a brilliant woman like you will make a good court official."

"Forgive me Your Highness, I have no intentions of entering into any kind of examination for the service of your palace. Believe me, it is an honor that you have asked of me, but I have – _other plans _– for myself that I cannot revoke, at all costs."

The Princess Shirin had answered rather bluntly, and deemed herself imprudent, but the hatred of seeing her dearest Prince Seien (whom, unbeknownst to all, was right there standing beside the charming Lady Shurei) protecting someone else had made her lose most of her sense of propriety.

"You mean, the plans of entering into the service of the temple, Shirin-hime?" the emperor asked.

Shirin did not answer at once, but made sure her eyes caught that of the guard Seiran. "Yes, Your Majesty. That is the decision I cannot revoke. When a promise is made, one cannot break it, no matter the circumstances. A promise is not pushed into oblivion, I strongly believe that Your Highness."

Ryuki coughed again, at the sudden awkwardness of the moment. _So Princess Shirin knows,_ he thought.

Haku Soja interfered then, at the relief of each member of the entourage. "Excuse my daughter, Your Highness. Shi-hua, please take the princess to her room."

Shirin made no comment whatsoever, not even the slightest gesture of protest. The male servant led the princess further into the hall, while the rest of the entourage and the Haku family members went inside the drawing room.

Haku Soja apologized to the emperor once more. "Forgive my daughter, Your Highness. Perhaps her imprudence is caused by her many years of self-imprisonment, and the sudden sight of such a crowd intimidated her. Please do forgive her, Your Highness."

Ryuki gave a small smile. "Do not worry, Ruler Soja, I do understand the princess' predicament. Looking at her, I do not see someone who is intimidated, rather, I see in her the look of someone who is in constant agony of waiting for someone whose return is unsure of."

Haku Soja nodded sadly. "Yes, yes, Your Majesty. That is why I had asked you to come. I am really sorrowed that my daughter has decided to choose the religious path all of a sudden, after inconsiderable amount of deliberation, at such a tender age. But, Your Highness, with all humility, I ask you to help!"

There was a murmur amongst the Shi Emperor's escorts. The Emperor silenced them.

"I appreciate your humility, Ruler Soja. Speak, that I might do all that it is in my power to help you."

The Haku sovereign cleared his throat uncomfortably, a tinge of color creeping into his cheeks. "My advisors and I, including all the members of the Haku royalty, have discussed this… and we thought, that the best solution to Shirin-hime's immeasurable torment is… well…"

"Speak," Ryuki pressed on, tension building up in his own head.

"Well… they say the only cure to a dying love is another love… well… we have deliberated, and we have decided to ask you to make Shirin one of your royal concubines!"

There was an uproar in the room. Seiran's body tensed and hardened. Shurei, who had been silent throughout the whole conversation, spoke so suddenly, the color draining out of her own face.

"A- A royal concubine?"

Ryuki blushed, the same shade as the Haku ruler, and stammered, "But, sir, I – I already have a consort!"

It was a rather stupid thing to say, and was rather "un-emperor-like", for the emperor is expected to have as many concubines as he wished to. He had the duty to his country, that is to lead, and to leave an heir to his throne, and descendants to his family.

"This will be a first, a union between the Emperor and a princess of the Haku family!" remarked one of the Haku family advisors.

The murmurs had returned, and were broken only by the voice of the emperor himself.

"I-I'd have to think about it, Ruler Soja. Now, if you'll excuse me…"

Ryuki politely walked out the room, motioning Seiran to follow him, before closing the door amidst the murmurs that followed them.

When they were out of sight and earshot, Ryuki turned to his brother, blushing. "You see, Brother? If you don't come out at once, and reclaim your name, Shirin-hime will be married to me!"

Seiran was silent, but the color had drained from his face. He clutched his sword tightly.

Ryuki sighed. "How long are you going to pretend, dear Brother, that you do not care about the princess? Reclaim your name, reclaim your betrothed. If you do not hurry, my advisors will convince me to take Haku Shirin as a concubine, and you shall lose all opportunity to be with her again. I could decline, Brother, to marry her, but my advisors will find no fault in her, and will do everything to convince me to revoke my decision. Think about it."

Seiran spoke, finally. "Ryuki, I'd rather lose her to my brother, than to the temple, where I won't be permitted to see her forever. If she dwells in the palace, I would be able to…"

"Foolish reasoning!" Ryuki blurted out. "If you wish to see her everyday, you must marry her yourself…"

"Ryuki, Seiran," a voice called. It was Lady Shurei. "What are you doing? Why are you talking to Seiran, Ryuki? Is there a problem?"

"No, Shurei," Ryuki lied, thinking quickly of an excuse to make. "It's just that… I received a… a note from Master Koyu… you know…"

Shurei smiled. "Ah, I understand. He must be worried, eh? It's okay, Ryuki, he'll understand that you have a business to finish here."

"Yes. Surely, he must…"


	4. Chapter 4

IV.

"It annoys me, Shi-hua, to know that he has come back and find out he has found another!" Shirin said loudly, taking the jade ornament from her head. She ran her fingers through her brown curls.

Shi-hua stood silently outside the closed door of his lady's room, but Shirin knew exactly he was there.

"Do you imagine, Shi-hua?" she said again. "I'm starting to wish he hasn't come back."

Shirin leaned her torso back against the wooden door of her grand room, sliding down on the cold marble floor. She was upset upon seeing Seien (or Seiran, as he was addressed at present) attending to another woman. By the look in their eyes, there was something they shared that was in a dimension she was not permitted to enter.

"Shirin-hime," Shi-hua spoke, "don't you think it is dangerous for me to know these things? You said, Prince Seien has asked you not to tell anybody of his return and appearance to your door. If anyone finds out about this…"

Shirin buried her head on her knees, her voice muffled by the weight of her robes.

"I can trust you can I? Please say yes, because if you say otherwise, it would be very hard for me to trust anyone else."

The conversation between the guard and the princess was cut short when the head female servant came to Shirin's door. She flashed a disapproving look at Shi-hua.

"Shirin-hime, your father and the emperor summon you into the drawing room. I think they have some news to tell you."

Shirin did not respond. There was no motion inside the princess' chamber.

"I think it would be best if the princess will take a rest. She isn't very used to the pressure of company," Shi-hua said quietly.

"I don't think it's a matter you have to decide on, Shi-hua. Remember, you are only a servant," the head servant said.

"Same as you are," Shi-hua answered. The head servant clucked her tongue.

The tension between the two attendants was fierce, each one unwilling to recognize the other's conviction. The uneasiness was broken by the music from Shirin's flute. It was another ode.

The female servant finally gave in. "Yes, I think it would be for the best if the princess shall take a rest. Stay here and look after her, I'll go tell the emperor and the clan leader."

When the head servant was finally out of sight, the music stopped playing.

"Is she gone yet?" Shirin asked.

"Yes, Shirin-hime."

It was trick they had done all too many times. When someone tries to interfere with the princess' solitude, Shirin would play an ode, signaling her bad mood and depressed state, while Shi-hua would stand guard outside her door. Then the princess will slip out of her room and into the garden, where she would continue her reflections alone. Shi-hua would follow her at a distance and keep watch, shall someone see the princess out of her room. Yes, the princess' self-imprisonment was just a tableau – in truth, Shirin was always out in the vast Haku gardens, deep in solitary contemplation, waiting for her Seien-sama to return.

And so the usual agenda was laid out, but, unbeknownst to Shirin, Shi-hua wasn't the one to follow her into the garden, instead, it was the guard Seiran.

Shirin-hime brought her flute with her, and began playing an ode when she reached the lake, her reflection sparkling on the tame waters. The song she played was bittersweet, it spoke of a return and a leaving, of a story that was of unending pain and retraction.

Seiran listened hard, but kept his distance all the same. He thought the melody was beautiful, but the song as a whole was sad. When Shirin ended the song, he stepped out from the bushes.

"I really think that was a beautiful song," he spoke, "but it was really, really sad."

"Yes, similar to a story I only know too well."

Shirin recognized the voice even without turning around, and she lifted the flute to her lips to begin another song. Seiran stopped her.

"You must know, Shirin, that I'm doing this because there's no other choice for me."

"Choice? Choices are excuses we make up for not pursuing what our hearts truly desire. If I say my decision to enter into the service of the temple was but the only choice left for me to continue with my life, everybody will agree that it would be just an excuse."

"You don't speak like the Shirin I know," Seiran said.

"Yes?" Shirin spoke. "It's because you didn't stay long enough to get to know her."

Seiran's brows furrowed. "Shirin."

The Haku princess sneered. "What about Lady Shurei? You sure have known her long enough. It is enough to see the look from your eyes."

"What are you saying? That I have an affair with the emperor's consort?"

It was an unusual spectacle – Shirin and Seiran arguing like this. They used to get along really well, but, well, 'used to' was the perfect word.

"I'm not accusing you of anything, your Highness. I'm just telling you what I have observed."

"If you insist to believe so, Shirin, I have no intention of arguing further."

Shirin started another melody on her flute, and Seiran didn't speak another word. He sat down on the bank of the lake beside the princess, taking in the dramatic song silently. He wasn't very pleased.

The uneasiness of the situation made Shirin stop halfway through her song, and the abrupt stop made Seiran look at her in surprise. There were tears flowing from her eyes. They were angry tears.

"I'm starting to find your return really despicable," she said bitterly.

Seiran was quiet, he knew enough about women's tantrums, living with Lady Shurei for many years of his young life. It will come to pass.

Shirin was quiet, too. She held her chin high, and she didn't wipe her tears. They ran down and joined the lake below, and it was much too beautiful yet painful to Seiran's eyes.

"I always thought you were a strong woman, and I despise myself for causing you too much suffering, my love."

Shirin battled with her mind whether to put her arms around the man who had just called her 'love', or to walk away from him without goodbye just like he did so many years ago. She did neither; she just sat there, motionless, expressionless, but with tears running from her eyes.

"I should have never returned. You were right. Tomorrow, you become my brother's concubine. I'm sorry."

Seiran stood up sadly, and walked back into the bushes, contemplating his worked-hard-for misery.

Shirin wept immensely, and fell asleep in the garden. Shi-hua brought her back to the manor the moment her loose brown hair kissed the sweet-smelling ground.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

V.

The rhapsody that the princess played the next morning hurt everyone's ears- it was uneven, devoid of any coherent dynamics, and sounded very scandalous to the female servants in the manor. The female servants were hysterical and called on her father, but Haku Soja was indifferent.

"Let her play any of those ugly tunes," Haku Soja said. "She needs time to prepare herself to become part the Royal Harem."

This wasn't quite true, for Shirin-hime was yet unaware of her union with the emperor the following month. The ruler of the Haku house planned to keep it that way, until the day before the union comes, so the princess will have no excuse in declining.

At around noon, the princess came out of her room, her hair unkempt and her robes with numerous unattractive folds. She presented herself in such unpleasant state to His Highness, but the latter didn't seem to mind.

"What a pleasant day, is it not, Shirin-hime?" Ryuki greeted.

Shirin ran her fingers through her hair and smoothed her gown. "What pleasant day, Your Highness? This is the most despicable day I've ever seen."

"Shirin-hime!" her female servant exclaimed. "What insolent manners!"

The princess shrugged her shoulders and let her maid servants attend to her hair and robes.

"How are things doing at the royal palace, Your Majesty?"

Ryuki looked up from the pile of papers that were in his hands, surprised at the sudden affability of the situation. He replied with retaliation of her friendliness.

"They're doing fine, Shirin-hime. I am very confident of the people I left in charge while I'm away."

"That's good to hear, Your Highness."

The princess' attendants were finally done improving her appearance, and when they left she looked stunning, fit to become the emperor's consort after all.

"How would you like to visit Kiyo again, Shirin-hime?"

Shirin's expression turned sour, as if she tasted something so awful like her memories of that place. "Kiyo? I don't think so, Your Highness. My memories of that place make my stomach sink."

"Your memories of my brother, you mean?"

The princess laughed, much to Ryuki's surprise. Shirin did not answer, whatsoever, and Ryuki did not ask further.

"Perhaps you have very low regard of me, Your Highness," the princess said finally. She took the flute from her servant.

"You are mistaken, Shirin-hime, I have very high regard of you," Ryuki replied, shaking his head in an unreadable manner._ This is getting really uncomfortable. How can I spend my life with this woman as my consort?_

"I'd like you to listen to this piece, Your Highness."

The first note out of Shirin's flute was loud, uneven and shrill, but the following melody was soothing and calm, which reminded Ryuki of the flowing river that rushed by his palace in Kiyo. He closed his eyes as he let the princess entertain him with her unusual music, and he only opened his eyes when Shirin stopped playing music abruptly.

"Shurei!" Ryuki greeted with a smile. Shirin acknowledged her presence with pursed lips.

"Good day, Shirin-hime," Shurei greeted. The Haku princess remained insolently silent.

"I'm sorry, did I interrupt anything?" Shurei said, looking from Ryuki to Shirin.

"No, Shurei-hime, in fact, I'm actually leaving now. Good day, Your Highness."

Shirin bowed briefly at Ryuki while still completely ignoring Shurei, and walked out of the room without another word.

_Kiyo is much too memorable to me. My stomach sinks when I remember my happy days with Seien-sama, whom I know regret. I wouldn't want to go back there, not for heaven's sake. I'd rather rot in my loneliness – this is Seien's punishment for leaving me and breaking my innocent heart. He'll never see his former betrothed happy again._

Now, this may be completely foolish reasoning to many, but with a heart blinded by much sorrow and self-inflicted suffering, there is but a thin line between foolishness and vengeance, and sometimes, that line is barely readable.

This was Shirin's case, undoubtedly, and she was completely lost in thoughts of vengeance, that when she saw Seiran, her heart almost leapt from her rib cage and her impulse was to clutch at the sleeve of her robe and put it over her mouth.

Seiran (or Seien) knew this action very well – it was a gesture which suggested that Shirin had been thinking and the mere sight of him interrupted her thoughts, in a malicious sort of way.

She glowered at him, and Seiran said nothing.

Shirin released her grip of her sleeve, and walked right past Seiran without the slightest of word. Much to her expectation, Seiran grabbed her by the wrist and forced her to look him in the eye.

"Stop! Release me!" Shirin exclaimed.

Seiran released her wrist and held her by the shoulder instead. He locked his eyes with hers.

"Listen to me, Shirin. It's not what you think it is. It was hard for me to come here, more or less reveal myself to you, because no one must know my secret, for my brother's sake. Somehow, some force compelled me to show myself to you, for some reason which is still unknown to me. Open your mind, Shirin! There are many circumstances which hinder me from returning completely to you."

Shirin's fists tightened, and threatened to forcefully push Seiran away. She didn't blink an eye.

"Yes, I know, Seien, or… Seiran, as you call yourself now. You see? Even by name I don't know you anymore, so what's the point of you still staying here? Go on, leave, and never show yourself to me. I am lonely, I had been lonely all my life, and the temple is the perfect place for me to rot in my loneliness!"

"Shirin! Stop this nonsense, at once!"

"Don't command me! I am your superior!"

Seiran's eyes widened at the harshness of her words. He released her at once, his lips pursed in disbelief, and, possibly, disappointment.

"I am your superior," she repeated again. "If you dare touch me again, I swear, you will be put to death!"

Seiran turned his head away, biting his lower lip in frustration at the sudden turn of events.

"You know, I used to admire you, because you aren't like any other woman I've met. Now, you're giving me second thoughts on that, Shirin."

"What do you know about love, or admiration, _Master _Seiran," she retorted in mockery. "You weren't the one who waited, were you?"

"Cut it out."

Shirin shook her head, her eyes locked in severe emotions with Seiran's. The door of the adjacent room opened, and Shi-hua the private servant entered, but still no motion was observed from the two, whom, thought Shi-hua, were fighting an unspoken battle with their eyes. Finally the door of the room where Ryuki and Shurei were opened also, and the emperor and his consort stepped out and beheld the spectacle before them.

"Seiran?" Shurei's voice broke the tension, rather, agitated it even further, that Shirin could not but pick up the hem of her long robe with shaking hands, and without another word walked out of the hall. Her footsteps were deafening, at least to Seiran. He pushed his heels hard on the ground and walked away.

The beholders of the scene did not know how to react, except Shi-hua, who immediately went out of the hall to follow his mistress. Shurei looked at Ryuki with startled eyes, and Ryuki, aware of the problem, passed her a silent nod and led her back inside.


	6. Chapter 6

VI.

Shirin was waist-deep in the river, her mind reeling with thoughts uncertain. From the day she was first introduced to young Seien, to the day she was betrothed, from the day he was forced to leave, to the day he came back, the day he appeared in her room. How unfortunate, she thought, that a lost love would come knocking at her bedroom door one evening, then slip right through her fingers the very next morning.

She was waist-deep in the river, and the angry current was weighing her down. She grabbed at a nearest boulder and forced her way back on land. Her robes were wet waist down, and lifting them up was requiring much effort on her part. But Shirin wasn't about to be agitated now, for the cold running water had washed over all her anger, and when thoughts of vengeance had subsided, she was ready to make her mind.

Without looking back at the manor, she walked out of the gate in silence, heading to the direction of the mountains. Whether Shirin was aware of the perils of walking alone in the woods at this time of the day when the sun was half-way down the west, she didn't show the least sign of it. She was mentally prepared to take the course of action for her decision – she was going to the temple.

If during the moments she spent locked up in her room waiting for Seien to come back made her think that if she went to the temple, Seien would come running home to save her, her thoughts on the matter were now different. She was convinced that reviving the old betrothed plans would be futile, because she was half-assured that her prince was in love with another woman. It was enough to see his eyes. Her reasons for going to the temple were now different – she was entering into the service of the gods to atone for her sins.

First, for bringing such despair to her father, whom after having lost her mother when she was still a child turned to her for love and support, but she had so foolishly abandoned because of a shallow love. Second, for bringing misfortune to the Haku house. Her self-confinement devalued the trust of the other houses, making trade and relations hanging by a very thin thread. Ever since her depression the Haku region has faced at least two threats of famine and civil war, but thanks to her father's political skills, the uprisings were suppressed. Third, for bringing more trouble for the emperor than was necessary. He came as representative of his seemingly lost brother, to give her comfort and friendship in Seien's name, but she had thrown all his efforts into the river and had disgraced his highness by being unforgivably rude. She was extremely sorry. Fourth, for silently hating and wishing ill-fortunes for Lady Shurei, whom she was jealous of. She was the new object of Seien-sama's affection, and Shirin couldn't quite accept that. She was also sorry, having brought herself to hate such a kind person, for a reason she knew wasn't acceptable.

And of course, she was sorry for having deliberately hurt Seien-sama's feelings, to bring retribution for her own suffering. She knew her pain was self-inflicted – no one told her to wait. No one told her to continue loving Seien-sama even after he was believed to be dead, or never to be found again. No one told her to still hope for any possibility of rekindling the romance of a betrothed love. No one. But still she did. Out of her own accord. And when all her hopes had died she had no one to blame but herself. But she chose to blame Seien, for the reason of him abandoning her, but even so she knew it wasn't his fault, that he was just forced to leave the palace and that wasn't what he wanted. But she wasn't blind – she knew it wasn't anybody's fault but hers.

And now, she was going to the temple to atone for her sins. When the sun rises the next day, everyone will have known of her disappearance. She left scraps of her own robe in the woods, cut herself and sprinkled blood on them, so that she would lead the others to believe that she was dead, perhaps attacked by bandits or by hungry animals in the forest, and they would search for her no more, and she would be able to seek atonement in solitude.

She never once blamed her mother, who taught her how to suffer in solitude. Watching her mother weep every night when her father was locked away in his office, doing some extra work for the province, she had grown to adopt such silent way of bearing pain. That's why when Seien went away she locked herself up in her room – she didn't want to share the pain with anyone else. She wanted to suffer alone. She didn't want her father to suffer with her, because he had suffered enough, but her intensions back-lashed, and her father was hurt more than she had imagined.

She had reached the clearing, and the sun was no where in sight. The skies had turned gray and the moon was finally manifesting itself. She stood there silently, just gazing up at the heavenly bodies in the dark sky, until moments later she felt the moon bathing her in its silvery white light. She closed her eyes.

She had said the moon reminded her of Seien too much, and the thought that the heavens were bathing her in such warm white light made her feel as if he was beside her, wrapping her in his arms. The moonlight was like the strands of his hair, and she raised her arms in front of her as if to stroke imaginary locks of silver hair. She touched nothing but air, and it pierced her heart. She opened her eyes, and she saw the temple in the mists, and she knew her fantasies were over and she had to face the reality of her sins.

She took one last glance at the moon, pursed her lips as if to kiss its light, and walked on into the direction of the temple. She wasn't going to see the moon again.

o0o

Ryuki's spare clothes fitted Seien perfectly. It was quite a while since he last donned such regal clothes, but his body adapted naturally to the elegant fabric and his movements weren't the least restrained. He watched himself in the mirror in one of the secret rooms of the Haku manor, and he observed how much he had changed.

His hair was shorter than what he remembered, and his body was much fuller than it was before. He had grown much taller, and his eyes were fiercer but they still had the memories of the young boy who was forced out of the emperor's palace under the suspicion of treason, who was attempted to be killed while in a carriage with his mother, who was rescued and nurtured by Lord Shoka and his family, and who has come back as a guard to reunite with his brother. But along those memories lay the secret story of a young boy who was betrothed to a princess he had grown up with, but was forced to abandon her when he was thrown out of his home. When he had returned, he visited her often in her palace, but he never came very close as to touch her, only near enough to see her lonely face by the window. He had heard of her depression, but he was not prepared to rescue her from her suffering, after all, he lived a new life, and abandoning it might mean the loss of all the things he had worked hard to accomplish, and all the things he had learned to love. Stepping back into his old life might mean uprisings, for he knew there were groups of people who still supported him despite his loss, and he didn't want to hurt his brother, who was reigning fairly well. Becoming the lost prince once again would mean leaving the people he had grown to love – Lord Shoka, his wife, and his daughter, Lady Shurei.

Yes, he was Seiran now, and he had sworn to protect Lady Shurei, but he couldn't forget that sad lovely face by the window – he couldn't quite forget Shirin. He thought that what he had felt was mere pity, as he has come to recognize his feelings for Lady Shurei, but when he saw Shirin weep one night, he felt as if something inside him was bleeding. He didn't want to believe it, but the more he saw her face the more he wanted to become Seien again, but his duties and new life hindered him from doing so. He told Shirin once, there were many circumstances by which he couldn't come back to her, and that was perfectly true. But he wasn't being truly honest – indeed, he wanted to come back to her.

And now he was back in those regal clothes, and the memories came flooding back, but so do his intentions, and he was going to take back Shirin to relieve both their sorrows. She had suffered long enough, and the conversation they had a while back had pulled the last thread – he was retrieving his betrothed.

Ryuki knocked on the door, and he gave him permission to come in. His brother gave him a supportive smile.

"Are you ready, Brother Seien?"

He didn't have any intentions of dethroning Ryuki, and he had made that clear, but after getting Shirin back, he didn't have any idea what to do with his long lost power. However, there was no turning back.

"I am ready."

They left the room together.

o0o

"Shi-hua, where is the princess? It's almost time for supper," Haku Soja inquired.

The servant's voice was tense. "She isn't in her room, Master, and she isn't in the garden either. We tried to find her but she isn't inside the manor."

"What…?"

"And there's one more thing, she left her flute in her room. The princess had run away."


	7. Chapter 7

VII

VII.

No one in the Haku manor slept that night, and it was not until the first streaks of sunlight had broken in through the windows that they had news of Shirin. And it wasn't what they all expected.

Shi-hua was trembling when he came back. He was holding scraps of bloodstained cloth. Haku Soja recognized that as his daughter's favorite robe, the one she had on the day before. He grabbed the pieces of cloth from the servants shaking fingers.

"What is the meaning of this?!"

"We found them in the woods, Master Soja… Princess Shirin… she's …."

Haku Soja's face burned bright red in anger. "My Shirin isn't dead! What nonsense is this? Go back there and search for her again! You fools!"

"But, your grace, we have searched all night…"

"Nonsense! My Shirin isn't dead! ISN'T DEAD, you hear?!"

Haku Soja knocked a dining table over, sending teapots and teacups crashing unto the floor. The steamed buns that Lady Shurei made also fell to the floor. Everyone was shocked.

"Immediately, send in the servants," Ryuki said quietly to Shi-hua. The emperor walked up to Haku Soja and tried to calm him.

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Master Soja. Your servants will search again. For now you must take a rest. Leave all the matters to me and my brother."

Haku Soja looked up, confused. "Your brother?"

Ryuki nodded. He said in a loud voice, "Brother Seien, you may come out now."

Indeed, the door opened, and in entered a very regally clothed young man, with silver hair and fierce eyes. The spectators were all at awe. Shurei stood up from where she was seated.

"Seiran!"

"No, Shurei," Ryuki said. "That's Prince Seien, my brother."

"Ryuki! What are you saying? That's Seiran!"

Agitated blabber filled the room, and it was Seien's voice which hushed everyone. "Silence!" he called. "I don't want to lose time in explaining everything. Right now, it is very important to find Shirin. Everyone, send for your troops and search for her."

The men stood up and nodded.

"However," Seien continued, "matters of my appearance tonight will be kept secret. When we find Shirin I will explain why. For now, do I make myself understood? Let us meet back here at noon."

With that the men piled out of the Haku manor and gathered their troops, and set out in different directions to find Haku Shirin. Meanwhile, Haku Soja was led to his room and was given medicine to calm him down.

Shi-hua approached Seien with the bloodstained scraps of Shirin's robe. "My prince, we found this in the forest."

Seien examined the pieces of cloth closely. His brows furrowed. "Surely… this is blood. And this is indeed Shirin's robe, the one she had worn the night she had gone missing."

Shurei interfered once again. "How did you know what she was wearing? You weren't here yesterday, were you, Prince Seien? You must be Seiran!"

"Yes, I am," the prince replied calmly. He turned back to the servant. "Were these all the scraps you found?"

"Yes, my prince."

"Ryuki, what do you say?" Seien said, handing the pieces of cloth to his brother, looking anxious.

"The sizes of these scraps are too small. Like they've been deliberately torn," Ryuki answered.

"Yes, and the scraps are too few. Where are the other pieces of this garment? The answer is simple – still with Shirin. She's alive. She tore some parts of her robe and sprinkled them with blood to lead us to believe she was killed by some animal or wanderer," Seien explained. Then, he added, in a softer voice, as if he was talking to himself, "Shirin… why are you doing this?"

"So it means she doesn't want to be followed. But she's alive. We need to find her right away before she attracts even more danger. But where will we start?" Ryuki said.

"Your Highness, my prince, I have a deduction," Shi-hua spoke. "While searching in the forest last night, I noticed a clearing. If I'm not mistaken, that path leads to the temple."

Seien narrowed his eyes. "Of course, Shirin will be heading that way!"

"Brother Seien, we must hurry! Before Shirin gives herself to the temple!"

"Quick, get me a horse! The fastest one!"

The events that followed were a blur. Servants run in and out of the palace trying to be of use to the search parties. The stables searched for the fastest most reliable horses, and when one was finally found, Seien did not lose time in mounting it.

"Keep searching," he told Ryuki. "If our hunches are wrong, she's probably still here somewhere."

He rode off, his thoughts clouded only with thoughts of rescuing Shirin, and that if he failed, his love will be lost to him forever.

o0o

Shirin looked beautiful in the ceremonial white robe in which she will offer herself to the service of the temple. The older nuns were helping her get in her garments and do her hair, and the younger nuns were talking in hushed voices outside the ceremonial room.

"The rites will start in a few minutes," one of them announced. "It's such a pity, a young beauty losing her innocence to the temple like that."

"Yes," another said. "I was really surprised when she came here last night, in those tattered clothes and with a cut in her arm. And when she said she wanted to be a nun…!"

"I thought perhaps she was like those in the tales my mother told me, where young girls run off to temples because of failed love," said another. "But do you remember what she said? She said she came here to atone for her sins."

"Well… she seems really decided…"

Meanwhile, inside the room where Shirin was, one of the older nuns said in a sad tone, "You now, dear daughter, temple life is hard. By looking at you, you seem like a princess who never knew hard times. Are you sure you want to do this?"

Shirin gave the nun a sad smile. "You are mistaken. I've seen such suffering, I've caused such pain. It is time to make up for what I have done. This is the best path for me."

The nun returned the same smile. "Just the same, dear daughter. We will leave you with final moments of silence to contemplate your choices."

The nuns left the room.


	8. Chapter 8

VIII

VIII.

Second chances aren't always given to everyone.

Tears started forming in her eyes.

"I don't want to remember," she said, wiping her tears with the long sleeves of her white robe. "I don't want to remember. I don't want to remember."

What exactly did she not want to remember? Everything that had transpired the past few days. She did not want to remember that slight ray of hope which appeared in her room the night she had first decided to enter into the service of the temple. Seien. She didn't want to remember. She didn't want to fall in love and cause suffering all over again.

"Seien-sama," she whispered. "I'm sorry. I know I have done terrible things. Please return to your new life. Please don't look for me."

She wanted that, terribly. She wanted life to go on without her. She needed to make up for her sins. She wanted Seien to move on with his life as Seiran, become an accomplished man, get married, have children, and she prayed that none of his future daughters would enter the temple like she did. Because if they did, they would see her, and she would have to tell them the story of her failed love with their father, and so on, and so on…

She laughed amidst her tears. She laughed at the idiosyncrasy of the possibility of having to tell her own love story to the future daughters of Seiran. How would she be able to tell that without shedding a tear? Will his future daughters believe her if she would say she was just carried away with such a tragic story?

She laughed once more, but her laughter was cut off by a sob that heaved up from her chest. Soon, she was crying hard again, and she was biting her lip so hard she tasted blood. Once again she was suffering in solitude, in silence – she was away from home, from everyone who knew her story, and they wouldn't know she was crying. That was a good sign. Perhaps this pain was in itself atonement for the sins she had carried out.

The nun who had spoken to her earlier knocked on the door of the room, and asked if she was ready.

She stopped crying at once and breathed heavily. She forced a smile on her face.

"I am ready."

She opened the door and walked into the ceremonial room with the nun. She was trying to calm herself by breathing deeply. She passed a smile to every nun they passed, and they gave back a sad smile, perhaps only a reflection on the expression exuded by her trembling lips.

At last they reached the ceremonial room. Everything was set and ready, the candles were burning, the incenses were lit, and the head nun who was to perform the rites was already kneeling before the altar.

"I am ready, I am ready," she kept telling herself.

She stepped into the room. There was no turning back. And then.

Horse hooves were heard just outside the temple, and the nuns went outside for a look. Shirin stood motionless in the ceremonial room, and so did the head nun. Both were uncertain of what to do – Shirin, because she thought she knew who just might be outside the temple at that moment, and the head nun, because she thought she knew what might just happen next.

There was commotion and heavy footsteps just outside the ceremonial room, and the nuns were shushing someone in soft voices.

"We're extremely sorry, mister, but we can't let you in! There is a ceremony going on inside the room…"

The footsteps drew nearer, and stopped just outside the door. Shirin was trembling, her knees had become so weak any movement might send her toppling to the floor. She clutched the ends of her long sleeves and waited, waited for the door to open and Seien to come in.

And he did. With a soft and almost heart-breaking creak, the door of the ceremonial room opened. The sound of his heels clicking on the wooden floor echoed like sad music and filled the temple. He stopped right behind where she was standing, and he was silent, not saying anything.

"Dear daughter," the head nun spoke softly. "Do you still want to do this?"

Shirin replied by burying her face in her hands and fighting back her tears. The veil which draped from the bun on her hair covered the sides of her face slightly, and her shoulders hunched as she sobbed.

Seien watched her for a moment but could not bear see her cry and suffer almost unbearable torture, and he took her by the shoulders and pressed her close to him. He felt her hands tighten into fists against his chest, and his body trembled with her as she wept.

"Shirin, I have abandoned my new life," he whispered so that only the two of them can hear. "I've come back."

Her crying became louder, even more intense. He whispered all sorts of words to soothe her, soon his words weren't making sense even to his ears: _love… back… sorrow… over… come… palace… we… remember…everything…_

He whispered some final words and Shirin's fists unclenched, she wrapped her arm around his waist, and it became a very tight embrace. The nuns outside were weeping, and the head nun was smiling, as if she saw this happening. She stood up and placed a hand on Shirin's shoulder, and the couple broke their embrace.

The head nun put her hand on Shirin's head, fumbled through her hair and the veil slipped through Shirin's brown hair and fell unto the wooden floor. The nun's smile broadened and led the two outside. She pointed at the sun, which was shining subtly over the trees and the mists. It was a new day, and the temple was filled with bright light. It was cold but Seien had his arms around Shirin, and they were heading home.

They bade the nuns goodbye, and mounted Seien's horse. Some of the nuns still had tears in their eyes, others were wearing bright smiles. Shirin bowed her head apologetically for the trouble she believed she had caused, but the nuns shook their head as if to say she did them more of a favor than trouble. Each one had forgotten of a love, whether of a lover, friend or family member, and today, through Seien and Shirin they remembered the warmth and kindness in life.

Shirin and Seien headed back home, but the crisis wasn't over. When they return Seien would have to explain his disappearance for many years, he would have to go back to Kiyo with Ryuki and settle creases in the royal house. Seien would have to decide whether it would be best to reclaim the throne and retrieve his betrothed instantly, or to live as just another member of the royal house and marry Shirin by other means. And he remembered the plans of Haku Soja to make Shirin part of the Royal Harem, but that would be easily settled, Ryuki would take care of that.

The Haku manor had come to Seien's sight, and he was anxious to get there, as the troubles would have to come again. Shirin had fallen asleep against his chest, and when she wakes up, he would have to leave for Kiyo, and their moments of love would have to be temporarily forgotten. But they had to face reality before they could live out their dream of a happy love. He decided he had to face this, he was tired of running away. Shirin would understand, he knows, she was always a compassionate person. She would understand he wasn't leaving her anymore, and that even if he was to be in Kiyo, he would visit her every waking day to prove his love would never again die.

This was how he would get things settled. Right now he was coming nearer to the manor, and he caught sight of Ryuki and Shurei waiting side by side by the entrance. They were each wearing a smile of congratulations, and they were hand in hand – perhaps they were ready to fight for love, too. Seien thought, if he had Ryuki, Shurei and Shirin by his side, perhaps the fight for love will not be too difficult a task.

Shirin awoke from her light sleep and opened her eyes, and she whispered a lovely greeting to him as she smiled.

"Good morning, love…"

Second chances aren't always given to everyone.


End file.
